


It Starts With This

by 100demons



Category: Naruto
Genre: Backstory, Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Gap Filler, Gen, POV Second Person, Pacifism, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-18
Updated: 2012-01-18
Packaged: 2017-10-29 17:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/322563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100demons/pseuds/100demons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time you breathe flame and fire, you burn every single practice dummy to the ground. You can taste the ash in your mouth for weeks after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Starts With This

it starts with this

* * *

" _Forgive me Sasuke… …It ends with this._ "

* * *

The first time you breathe flame and fire, you burn every single practice dummy to the ground. You can taste the ash in your mouth for weeks after.

* * *

I don't want to _is not acceptable_. I hate fighting _is not acceptable._ I'm too tired _is not acceptable._

In the soft lamplight, you can hardly see the bandages wrapped around your fingers but you can still feel the throbbing ache pulsing with every shallow breath, raw skin scorched and burned by the bright flare of heat.

_You are a man now, worthy of the fan on your back. You are a man now, a warrior of the clan. What are your duties, eldest son?_

Protect the clan.

Fight for the clan.

Give my life to the clan.

* * *

It's beautiful.

A butterfly beats by on lazy wings and you can't help but stare, mesmerized. Every swirl and flutter is quiet poetry and you stand there for countless hours, following its wandering path with eyes the color of blood. You memorize the way the light gleams through the translucent membrane; the shifting eddies of its chakra flow, the twitch and flicker of its antennae.

And then, something glitters in the air, moving almost too quickly for you to catch and you track the gleaming arc of steel cutting through air until—

There's nothing but a lifeless husk pinned to the ground.

Empty.

"Eh, Itachi-kun, did you see that!"

You never forget.

* * *

_Prepare yourself_ , the scarred jounin tells all of them, the edge of her smile sharp enough to cut steel. _This is the closest thing to war you'll ever face_.

Kumiko grins wolfishly and elbows you roughly. _We're gonna win this, Uchiha._ You look at her bright, smiling face, at her fierce brown eyes, at the puppy twined lovingly around her neck and something hot and furious fills your chest, your eyes burning with unreleased chakra and you want to shake her by the shoulders and scream, _There is no winning or losing. There is only death._

But you know it will mean nothing to her and the roaring anger building up in your chest ebbs away as suddenly as it had appeared, leaving an empty ache inside that throbs every time your heart beats. The fan on your back has never felt heavier.

* * *

The first time Sasuke calls you _Aniki_ , you are sitting together on the engawa, watching the moon rise. His pudgy hands cling tightly to one of your fingers and you gently rest your chin on the top of his head, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath.

"An'ki _,"_ Sasuke says sleepily. "An'ki."

Almost instinctively, you lightly brush his forehead with your fingertips, smiling when you hear him squawk in protest.

"What is it, otouto?"

"In now," he demands, tugging at the sleeve of your shirt. "In, in!" He turns around, pulling away from your light hold and stares up at you, dark eyes wide. "An'ki, in!"

You could never refuse him anything.

* * *

For the first time in your life, your hands are shaking. The scroll drops to the ground, dust scattering over crisp black characters, obscuring parts of the message.

UCHIHA ITACHI

ID: 012110

WE ARE HONORED TO SEND YOU AN INVITATION TO JOIN…OUR MOST LOYAL SERVANTS IN PROTECTING AND SERVING THE VILLAGE…ANBU…YOUR SKILLS AND…AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE…

SARUTOBI HIRUZEN

SANDAIME HOKAGE

Instinctively, your fingers fly through the seals and the chakra builds up in your mouth, boiling and raging to be let free. The fire burns for hours, long after the message has been reduced to dust and ashes, licking hungrily at the air and blackening the ground with its unearthly heat.

* * *

"Hatake-san."

Hatake Kakashi gives you a nod and settles down next to you on the dock with an easy grace, his long lanky limbs swinging over the edge.

"Youngest recruit ever," he observes and you wonder what kind of game The Thief is playing, what tricks and shadows he means to use against you. You don't respond.

"I guess I'm getting old now. Time was _I_ was the youngest recruit ever." He huffs a quiet laugh and leans back on his arms, admiring the cloudless sky.

"I am twelve years old, Hatake-san."

"No need to call me Hatake-san—now that _really_ makes me sound old and respectable. Just Kakashi is fine."

You wait, patient as the mountain against the roaring wind. "I was fourteen," Hatake-san elaborates after a long silence. "Right after Kyuubi hit."

"A quarter of the village's forces were killed."

Hatake-san shifts a little and you can feel something change in the man, like a spring slowly tightening.

"Sounds different when you say it like that," The Thief says finally. "But at the time, it seemed like the world was over. ANBU was pretty much decimated and we lost the Commander and half the chain of command. They took pretty much anyone desperate and willing and…well…" He gestures to himself, the curve of his eye wry. "Here I am."

You can't help but stare at the gleaming forehead protector, wondering at the Sharingan that was hidden behind it, at the power that Hatake Kakashi stole from Uchiha Obito.

"So what's your story?"

You turn back towards the water, watching the sunlight glitter over the rippling surface. "I have no story," you shrug. "I was called to serve and I am honored to obey." _You are the pipeline between the Village and the Clan, Itachi. You are our hope. Our future depends on you._

"Hmm. And here I thought you were the genius of the Village."

You start a little and curiosity tugs at your mouth. "Oh?"

"That's a pretty line but it's not gonna get you anything but killed on the battlefield. What're you fighting for?" You look up at the other man but his face is unreadable.

"I—" You pause and silence fills your mind. _What am I fighting for?_

"I graduated from the Academy when I was five," Hatake-san says conversationally. "Became a chuunin at age six. Sent out to the battlefield at eight. Jounin at twelve. And you know why I survived so long?"

You wait, and Kakashi answers his own question. "Sheer dumb luck." He shakes his head and drags a casual hand through his scruffy hair. "If I didn't have my sensei looking after my ass, I would've been eaten alive by Iwa the minute I got on the frontlines. I was young, stupid and didn't have anything but a knife in my hand and an order to go kill some ninja. I was a crap shinobi and I couldn't think about anything but following the rules and being the perfect ninja. It took a—a friend's death before I got some sense knocked into me. _The Shinobi is an emotionless tool. The mission is of the utmost importance. A weapon must kill or be killed._ I was fighting for a stupid book of rules that wasn't worth anything and I almost died for it."

 _I am fighting for the Clan._ But you think of the red and white fan engraved onto your back, heavy as a millstone, and you feel nothing. _I am fighting to save the Uchiha._ You think of Otou-san and his heavy hands on your shoulders, his quiet voice stern and unforgiving, and you feel nothing.

"Pick something small. Something you love, something close to you. You can't love the entire Village—that's impossible. You're not the Hokage. Fight for your friends, your family. Fight because you made a promise. Fight, so you can live and come back home and watch another sunrise."

_An'ki, an'ki!_

You close your eyes and turn the words over in your head.

"It was Obito, wasn't it? Your friend who died."

"…I guess you do live up to the rumors." Kakashi's voice is rough around the edges but you hear the pain and the regret and the sharp sorrow hidden deep within and wonder how you could have ever missed it before.

"Sometimes, I wonder whether his gift is a blessing or a curse." His voice is soft and a little wistful. You have to strain to catch the fleeting words.

"It's getting late. Kakashi-senpai." You brush off the splinters of wood clinging to your pants and stand up, giving the other man a small smile. "I'll see you at HQ in a few days, Captain."

"No rush," he says easily and you marvel at the sudden change between the grieving man you had spoken to only moments ago and the cool, friendly but distant air he has on now. _Masks on masks on masks._

"By the way, did you ever find the answer?"

"Yes," you say quietly before making your way home, where Sasuke is waiting for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all feedback welcome.


End file.
